Two weeks ago, I put my first house up for sale. Today the new owner took possession. I thought I'd be more emotional. This house, I worked really hard to make it work. I bought it on my own, in a town where I knew few. As a single woman and a first time homebuyer, it's something I'm really proud of. Its sale signifies the end of an era and the beginning of a new one.
Sitting here right now, all I feel is excitement. I'm looking forward to the exploration that comes with starting something new. The house sale was the big piece needed to set my plan in motion; to leave Squamish, BC, Canada and start a life for myself and my Peruvian mutt, Olas, in either Panama or Costa Rica, Central America. I was born to live in the sun, that is no secret. I'm happiest with salty hair and sand beneath my toes. You know when you can tell that the Universe is on your side, because everything feels so effortless. That's how i feel with this decision. it's been really easy, smooth and fast.
"When you want something, all the Universe conspires in helping you achieve it." - Paolo Coelho
Olas, on the other hand, may not be so willing to embrace her Latin roots, or beach life for that matter. Canada has been pretty good to her. Canada has been good to me too. Truthfully, It's a weird time for me to be taking off. I am leaving a good job with a well-established and growing Outdoor brand. I'm leaving a nice house in a breathtakingly beautiful, safe part of the world. I'm leaving a fucking fantastic circle of friends in an amazing, supportive community. [Insert tear here]. That's the hard part.
Some people have joked that this is my mid-life crisis, since I just turned 40 in August. Fuck that! I can wholeheartedly answer that it's not. It's a mid-life A W A K E N I N G! As cheesy as that sounds, for the first time in my life I can see the vision for my future life with so much clarity. I know what feeds my soul, what makes me smile and what ignites the spark in my heart. There is no doubt in my mind that it will happen, but at the same time, I'm not connected to a specific outcome. It is all part of the journey and I'm okay with that.
If I had spoken those words 2 or 3 years ago, I would have doubted them myself. Dealing with the breakdown of my health and with it, my job, were both difficult, but losing myself was the hardest. While this is extremely painful to say, I'm grateful for those tough times, for those dark days, as they have led me to the bright spot where I am right now. I am grateful for my failures and the lessons that came with them. I am grateful for the people that were brought into my life. For I have been stripped down and built back up, but better. Same engine, different car - with a sparkly paint job - all tuned up and ready to explore new winding roads...or in my case, miles and miles of sandy beach. This time I know not to ignore that "ping" in the engine.